Ivy (ivy68) wrote,
Ivy
ivy68

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A Transitional Phase, again

Here I am in my office, trying hard to believe that in a very few days I'll never have to come back here. I finally made a work decision and gave notice last week. I'm leaving this firm, where I've worked for the last year and a half, on Friday, to go work at a small, more relaxed intellectual property firm.

I was feeling really good about my decision, which kind of took me by surprise once I made up my mind. I'd been leaning away from it, but once another possibility fell through, I felt great about this offer. I talked to friends and relatives and C, and everyone was very supportive of the idea. Except then last Monday, the day I hoped to give notice, I called my parents to tell them, and my father (also a lawyer) was suddenly pretty negative about it, mostly due to the fact I'm taking a pay cut for working fewer hours, and because I've moved twice already in three years, which isn't all that normal in the law firm world. He was afraid I'd change my mind again in a year or so and start to look like a flake on my resume.

This really took the wind out my sails, and it's been kind of hard to get back to where I was about it. I really respect my father's advice, and so I took this seriously. Not seriously enough to change my decision, but enough to feel a bit shaken by it. I did go ahead and take the job anyway, but I'm second guessing myself a little. My mother echoed him for a while, but then I think she really got it when I explained that this new job offers a lot of what she was hoping I'd hold out for, and she called me the next day to say she thought I'd made a good decision, which was nice to hear. Still, I haven't managed to shake some of the nervousness about what I've done.

My current employers greeted the news at first as I had hoped -- graciously, with a lot of regret that I was leaving because -- they like me! they really like me! They made the usual mild efforts to talk me out of it. Everything was fine the first day.

But since then, they've been subjecting me to their usual "joking around" which is fraught with more than a little hostility. We're talking, my boss singing "Taps" when he passes me in the halls. We're talking discussing in front of several people on several occasions how I'm blowing an opportunity to get a big bonus, and how I'll probably have to work just as hard because the firm must have lied to me. He's been slamming my new firm's clients, without even knowing whom we represent -- because naturally nobody can be as successful or important as he is. But the worst thing has been a recurring "joke" about how he and his partners have all agreed that the best thing about my leaving is that they won't have to endure the presence of my "freaky slacker" husband at their firm functions any more. It wasn't funny the first three times, and it's gotten less funny as it's been repeated.

This is a really hard week, too, because I have so much work to finish and I have to pack my office. We also moved last week, and I love the new place and the whole feel of having more space and a real apartment, but feel overwhelmed by the amount of work I have to do to settle in there.

I guess I shouldn't be surprised by how hideous my current bosses have been. That was largely why I hated the culture here in the first place. I should be glad to leave. It just doesn't seem quite real to me yet.
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